Academik

A colleague mentioned relationships in the US are different than in France. Apart from the myriad of obvious reasons this is true I asked him to explain. “Americans marry their best friends. Europeans marry their lovers.” I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and I don’t know if I have an answer, but I’ve definitely got some ideas…

In America I was brought up to believe that men and women are essentially equal. Sure there are the general observations about women being more emotional than men, men being physically stronger than women, women having longer endurance than men, and perhaps even being able to take more pain than men (not taking into account Jack Bauer). But all of this is generally irrelevant because we don’t interact with general ideas of each other - we interact with people who come in all shapes, sizes, mentalities, abilities.

What equality really means is that every man and woman has the same possibility to become something. CEO, homemaker, entrepreneur, athlete, accountant, musician, artist. Whether they attain these positions or not is up to them. There are too many physiological differences between us to really be considered the same -I mean seriously, women have the ability to create life inside of them, birth them (squeezing a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon), and feed them using milk their bodies make! I have a penis. End of story.

But this idea of equality has changed our vision of gender roles and relationships… Simply by having the option to become anything we became something else. We have, in some ways, convinced ourselves that we are alike, regardless of our physical differences and our instincts. This re-interpreted vision of ourselves has had a direct impact on the way we view relationships.

The reason I bring this up is that I spoke with a woman who said she married her best friend (seemingly ideal) and eventually just got bored and they divorced after 8 years. This is something I’ve heard several times, but never really explored until now. I wonder if the ebb and flow within a natural relationship is necessary to retain interest? Perhaps somehow by marrying someone that you are so close to, sharing everything with - you actaully take away some mystery in the relationship and thus some of the interest and attraction as the years pass.

I say there are three things that must be present for a good relationship: physical attraction, mental attraction, and chemistry. People throw around that last one a lot, but I think it boils down to sexual tension and the way in which we parlay our physical attractions to each other. There should be a good amount of all three in a healthy relationship. By placing an extremely high priority on mental attraction (or how well we connect) and downplaying the physical / sexual side of the relationship, perhaps we upset the delicate balance of the relationship… I just don’t know.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this because my mind is certainly not made up.

The power of music is in the mood and emotion that it sets in us. It has the power to change us - to make us smile on a bad day, to instill peace in us when the world is falling apart, the power to make us dance and forget our troubles, or inversely to embrace our anger or let us wander among our miseries. We identify songs with emotions, with people, and with places. This song doesn’t have strong ties to any of these emotions… yet.

Alexi Murdoch’s Orange Sky, is a simple and beautiful song about hardship and hope. “WellI had a dream I, stood beneath an orange sky… with my brother standing by” Juxtaposing the imagery of an orange sky - the color of fire, and the color of battles written across the clouds - with the image of a “brother” or a “sister” standing next to him, Murdoch paints a picture of unity against a backdrop of conflict.

“And you know sister my hearts been broken. Sometimes, sometimes my mind is too strong to carry on. Too strong to carry on.” Sometimes our minds take over for our hearts, for when we are wronged it is rarely our minds that suffer. Our hearts are the ones that bare our scars, ceding more and more territory to our minds every time we are cheated, fooled, or swindled - if we let it.

“When I am alone, when I’ve thrown off the weight of this crazy stone, when I’ve lost all care for the things I own, that’s when I miss you, you who are my home. You, who are my home.” - It’s only when we overcome our hardships (perhaps accepting that their will always be hardships), when we forget about our materialism, that’s when we realize what life is about - each other. When we are not distracted by our job, entertainment, or material things, then we can’t help but remember how important people are.

“Here is what I know, in your love, my salvation lies.” It’s in the love of others that we will find our purpose and our destinies.

All this from a simple song found in a movie trailer earlier this week. Find the song in this week’s podcast - Feb. 5, 2007

technorati tags:music, alexiMurdoch, OrangeSky, Hope, Hardship

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Although it was released in March this album has just found its way into my iPod, thankfully. Neko Case is an American singer/songwriter who was born in Virginia, but has spent much of her life in the Pacific Northwest (Tacoma, WA and Vancouver, BC to be specific). I’ve listened to some of her other work and it just didn’t grab me the way that Fox Confessor did, but I have to say that sometimes music has to sink in before I can really appreciate it.

The album, which has been in my iPod for a little over a week, lends itself to wandering journeys across the city. Case has a voice you’d want to read you to sleep at night, but she would be reading macabre stories that end in ellipsis. She’s been compared to Patsy Cline, a very easy comparison to make ignoring Case’s broad range of styles. Case’s words read less like songs and more like poetry on the page. Lines like:
“I am every bell that tolls me”
“the look on your face yanks my neck on the chain“…
“Margaret is the fragments of a name, her love pulls like a fountain, her love steams like rain” draw her listener in. The words leave meanings for all of us to find.

“Margaret Vs. Pauline”, has an ethereal downtrodden country story feel; the story of two women - one leading a life of privilege, the other of poverty.
“Star Witness”, the second track, is the song I find myself listening to on repeat the most. The melody and poetic use of words along with Case’s airy vocals make it a pleasure to lose yourself in.
“Maybe Sparrow” gives Case the opportunity to wale - belting out tears about the loss of a friend who wouldn’t listen - while also giving her a chance to reconcile the sorrow into beautiful hopefulness.

The rest of the album is good at worst. A former punk singer, Neko can change the tone of her voice to match most any mood - melancholy & melodic. She varies between country, alt country, and rock equally well across the entire album.

There’s a reason why this made it into most critics lists as one of the Top 10 albums of the year - check it out.

Neko Case - Margaret Vs. Pauline

Neko Case - Star Witness

If you have the chance to go see this performance of Arthur Miller’s most famous work, do it.  While tickets are a bit pricey at $30/piece, the acting of Keith Phillips as Willie Loman is reason enough to revisit this classic play.  At no point during the entire performance do you doubt Keith’s authenticity as the quintessential Willie Loman, a man blinded by superficial desires and the American dream.

The supporting cast of the Loman family (Biff, Happy, and Linda) does a good job of providing the framework for Willie’s downfall and failing mental state although I noticed a few hiccups by Linda.  If you’re open to the story it will make you re-think your life and what you’re really striving for.  If not, you’re in for some great acting and an evening’s worth of entertainment.  Either way - try and see it.

More information here

Wednesday was the concert for the recently re-united Brand New Heavies at Mezzanine - apparently someone here has taken a list of my favorite bands and asked them to come perform - thanks Travis! I had heard of the Brand New Heavies back in my high school days, but I was too deep in teenage angst to realize what great music this was. So i show up on Wednesday and I happen to run into the guitarist and lead singer of Phonofly. I’m not sure if the title is official yet, but at the last show for Phonofly (Halloween at the Rock-It Room) I think they dubbed me official dancer for the band - I still have to pay the cover charge to get in though :<

Back to Brand New Heavies - a couple years back I picked up their album Trunk Funk Classics 1991-2000 and was hooked on this combination of soul/funk/pop/hip-hop. Brand New Heavies has a really unique sound that you can instantly recognize. Their big hits, “Stay This Way”, “Dream On Dreamer” and “Sometimes” are all on this CD that also features my favorite track, “Soul Flower”, a collaboration with Pharcyde. If I had to describe Brand New Heavies in terms of other bands I would say James Brown mixed with Erykah Badu, blended and dusted with pop.

Unfortunately I’d lost the CD a while back so I didn’t have a chance to catch up for the concert, but the opening act, Sutro (the lead singer’s crazy hat pictured to the left reminded me of a Seinfeld joke… the 90’s called, they want their hat back) got the party off to a decent start. Their music is a mix of live instruments and programmed tracks that pull heavily from the trip-hop and downtempo genres. Their music was good, but I never felt like it went anywhere - no breakdowns, no liftups - at least none powerful enough to remember. Decide for yourself on their MySpace page by clicking on their name above.

Brand New Heavies came out to cheers and clapping from the almost packed house. They started playing and immediately I remembered their sound - funk/pop/soul goodness - it’s the type of guitar playing and rythm that make your body want to pop & lock, your hips shake, your eyes close, and for a few minutes the world seems pretty damn good - oh and it also makes you want to get laid.

I was lucky enough to meet two friends there, Jodi and Jill, so I got a special invite to a birthday party upstairs… Happy 30th Jameson, Manager at Mezzanine!
They opened with Dream on Dreamer and then progressed through a number of songs I didn’t recognize. Then the decidedly Scottish sounding guitarist got on the mic and he introduced each of the band members - each did a wicked solo. All in all it was a good concert - perhaps not worth the $30 ticket, but good to see a great band back together. Also whoever decided that concerts on a Wednesday should go until 1am needs to take a hike. If a concert takes place during the middle of the week I say I should be able to be home by midnight. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Video of Brand New Heavies performing Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes

-one of these days I’ll get a better camera, or there will better light… I promise

Click here to listen to some original tracks by the Brand New Heavies

Whenever I see this band’s name I am reminded of the time in Paris where I was too dumb to be mugged. These kids kept repeating, I have a kuh-nife. They didn’t get any money off of us because we knew they were amateurs - the k is silent ,bitches.

So in my neverending quest to soak up good music in this city I was at Mezzanine again this past weekend for a show by The Knife, a Swedish electro group. The female singer in the group is 5 months pregnant so the show started promptly just before 10pm… We arrived to packed house and the group performing at about 10:05pm. They had erected a ________(insert theater term for screen) in front of the stage to project images onto while they were doing their set. Everything was pretty much to a “t” exactly as it sounds on their CD, but the presentation was pretty over the top.

Both members of the group were in crazy costumes that looked like they were being protected from nuclear fallout; there were blacklights and lot of crazy individual lights behind them (much as I saw with Metric). They really held the audience’s attention as the female sang and the man used what looked to be the orange directing cones that airport workers use to guide planes to play samples on a drum pad. You really got the feeling that they had put a lot of effort into making this a unique show for their fans. The video of Silent Shout is below. If you are feeling adventurous check out the following tracks: Heartbeats, Na Na Na, and the Captain. Fellow Swede (born of Argentine parents) Jose Gonzalez does a great acoustic remake of Heartbeats as well.

Silent Shout by The Knife

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As usual Mezzanine hosts some of the best music in SF… Wednesday night was no different. Justice and MSTRKRFT put on an amazing show. Two highlights of the night

1 - Everyone getting up on stage during the Justice set (middle picture above). I can’t tell you how many people put their arms around me and started singing, “We ARE, YOUR FRIENDS, YOU’ll NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN!”

2 - Russell Simmons on X. Okay, it wasn’t russell simmons, but close enough. There was a guy rolling his ass off dancing the entire night. When the house DJs were playing he got up on the main stage and nearly sent the turntables crashing into the ground. His dancing was more crashing into people than anything else. In the bathroom he stopped peeing, turned to me, and asked who I was here to see… what was my favorite song? Is it We Are your friends, you’ll never be alone agaain!! or No Excuse? This is the EXCUSE THAT WE”RE MAKING”… he proceeded to sing all of these songs to me, while I was at the urinal, and while his dick was hanging out of his trousers. Eyes forward, don’t look, if you make eye contact you’ll only encourage him - my thoughts.

I’m a Communications major, so maybe I understand the way communications work a little better than everyone else, but this principle seems to escape so many of us - close the loop by providing feedback. Below is a basic illustration of communications.

Ignore the part about click a button, it won’t work. So the basic idea here is that there is someone “sending” the mesasge, there is the way they’re sending it (the channel), there’s the message itself, and someone receiving it. There can also be “noise” which distracts the receiver from the message (think pop-up ads on a web site, noise in the street during a conversation, etc.), there can be encoding and decoding necessary for the message to be understood, and there can be feedback.

Now this model works for nearly any type of communication you can think of:

This website, for instance, is the channel for my messages to reach you, the receiver. You can give feedback via e-mail or by leaving a comment. The phone is another channel for us to transmit voice messages to one another. Our feedback there is simply talking back to the person on the other end of the line. The TV is a channel for TV stations to transmit video/audio messages to us. We don’t have the opportunity for feedback via this channel, but we can always call or write to the station.

In the business world, this is an important concept because empires rise and fall on good / bad communication. Rome, good communication (thanks to lots of roads and messengers) - AT&T customer support, bad communication (thanks to foreign accents and frustration). Sometimes we get e-mails that are simply meant to let us know something - no feedback required - others require our immediate reply. The same is true for phone calls and voicemails.

A large part of my job is coordination between multiple people and without feedback the process becomes a nightmare. So I’m begging and pleading with all of you - close the loop- provide feedback! Even with salespeople, people you don’t like, or things you’re afraid of - if you return their calls/emails/voicemails/letters to let them know that you’re not interested you are giving them no reason to call you again - and believe me sometimes the salespeople would rather check you off their list than continue to have to keep calling.

Personally, when you are writing emails or leaving messages for people - make sure to think about whether or not you need a response - and let the person know it. I have experienced this repeatedly - the people who are at the best employers in good positions, will always respond quickly to a request - even if it’s to let me know that it might be a few days before they can really get back to me. So start looking at the world through this model and ask yourself - am I a good communicator?

Begin to think about what you need from your receiver, what is your real core message and what’s the best channel to send it through. Quit leaving voicemails that simply say call me back. Let the person know what you’re calling about and when you need to hear back from them, or send them a text - it’s a lot easier than having to check your voicemail.